I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize