She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
