How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
