can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
