my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
