how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
