You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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