when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
