Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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