"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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