Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize