please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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