remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
