this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
