Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
