I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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