Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
