I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize