did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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