atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My bed smells like the plague
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
