Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
