Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
