So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize