yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Couch. On fire.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
