am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
