you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize