god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
