I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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