Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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