dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
