I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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