is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
