shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
