There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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