I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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