she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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