Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
