i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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