so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
