I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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