You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
