You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
