Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
