Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
