im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
