Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
