dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
