I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
