I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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