He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
