why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
