He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
