i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
