You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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