I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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