I can text with my tongue
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
