i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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