my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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