i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
