I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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