i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she peed on how many people?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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