He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
