Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
