i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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