i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
