I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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