mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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