im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
