You really coming over, don't trick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
