Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
