am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
