Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
